just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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