Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
