Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
