How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
