I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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