So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
