i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
