We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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