Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
