I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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