Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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