you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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