I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
