Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
