I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
