I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
