So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
