she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
