Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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