and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
