Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
