I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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