matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
