Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
