I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
