mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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