She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
