I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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