I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
