I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
