So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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