4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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