she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
