I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
