Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
