I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
