i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
