I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you would pick up someone in the library
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
