Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
