The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
