remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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