i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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