I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
