Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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