Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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