my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
