is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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