I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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