my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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