My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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