Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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