i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
