sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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