Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
