ugly people sure do ruin things
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
