If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
