I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
